The Boys of Fall and the Man Cave

I absolutely live and breathe sports (yes, I am a woman and I LOVE sports … I can admit that) and most of my friends, male and female, know to not contact me on a Sunday between September and February. Call me on a Wednesday to catch-up, well not during the second half of the NBA Season, World Series or March Madness (it really is that serious).

With that said, I do not consider sports to be a bonding part of any of my past relationships or my future relationship. Yes, I have great conversations with men (and some spectacular women too, but not the point) about sports and some of my best male friendships have blossomed from a common interest in sport, but I am still a woman. A woman that understands that football, in particular, is a fraternity that many men became a member of when they joined little league as a boy, when they put their first chin guard and helmet on or laced their first pair of cleats and shoulder pads. See, the time that men spend together around a big screen, eating junk food and talking noise is not just about the game, it is about so much more. I do not claim to know what it is all about and I cannot tell you that I want to know. I do know that if we can have a Ladies weekend or spa day, some time with just the Ladies doing whatever, it is understood that our men will not be tagging alone. In our society there is so much out there for us to have a ‘Calgon’ moment or to nurture our sisterhood. We understand the need for balance for women, but our men need it too; hence, the innate need for the man cave.  We cannot revalue the NFL Sunday bonding time. So, no, just because I enjoy a game just as much as he does, I do not need to tag along with him to his boy’s crib. Now, if it is a coed shindig … I am definitely down.

So, this Sunday when your man heads out of the door or to his man cave with his homies, give him a big kiss and your well wishes, only if he is a Dallas Cowboys fan. If he is a fan of any other team, guilt him into going to church (not the early service) and complain about football taking him away from you all day. Then on Monday Night wear a new negligee and stand in-front of the television letting him know no football, his attention needs to be on you … Hahaha! … Now that is really some TOUGH TITTY (sorry men)!

~AMarie

PS … Kenny Chesney’s The Boys of Fall captures the spirit of the game better than anything I have seen in a while. The first time I viewed it, it moved me. The link to the video is below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlXDo5WhQXI

Independent Woman?

I am a single, grown and ‘independent’ woman … or am I? I am definitely single and I am no doubt grown and I think we all share the same definition for single and grown. I have no significant other, no commitment to another and I take care of myself. So, yes, I am for sure single and grown. Now independent … What does that look like? What does it mean? Am I independent because I live alone, so I am not needy? I can and do take out my trash? I can and do clean my house? I can and do change my tires, oil and air filter? I can and do travel and plan my travel? I can and do pay my bills? Does that mean I do not welcome assistance or step back and allow a man to be a man? Absolutely not! I welcome, embrace, love and need masculine energy any day. I prefer it from a man that can appreciate my strength and yet understand how my oh-so feminine energy works for him and makes him better. After all, a strong man makes me better in all he IS and aspires to be. What do you do with a Kingdom when there is no King? Come on MEN … do not allow your beauty and strength as men to fall by the wayside simply because you see a woman taking care of herself. Trust me, she (at least I do) wants you to stand-up and be you with ALL of that masculinity and intellect you have and envelope her.  Just be careful of the woman you choose. Make sure she is the one that stands tall alone but with even greater height when she commits to you.

The definition of independent concerns me because recently I had a ‘friend’ say that I act like SHE-RA (female super hero) and as if I do not need the help of a man. How inaccurate was that statement? PLEASE? Do you really want a woman that cannot do anything? One who has no ambition, no drive, no organization, and no knowledge? If anything I would think a man would admire the fact that he will have a real partner, not a subordinate or dead weight. I guess my thought process is all wrong. That statement also clarified a lot about that friend. It showed me that he never took the time to evaluate my character.

On the flip side of this, I am tired of hearing women state how they do not need a man. How they can make their own money, raise their own children and maintain their own house. I am sick and tired of this … Really Women have we really lost sight of our true strength?!?!?! Men, I am going to speak for all of mankind … WE NEED YOU!!! We have lost the family structure because of the implication that men are not needed in the home. Whether you want a relationship or not, there is the need for masculine energy and strength just as there is the need for feminine energy and strength. It has never been an honor to our existence to belittle or devalue either.  Religion and government being interpreted by society has screwed many communities in this area from music to welfare.

One more thing … Yes, if we are not dating and we go out and kick-it together, I will share in the expense, sometimes that is (HA!), as I am not trying to have my friends go broke just because we are kicking-it. Heck, you are experiencing the same economy I am.  If I say I am treating you for your birthday, then I am really treating you. You do not have to lift a finger or spend a penny. You are a man and I am going to respect and treat you as such in my ‘independence’, I need you to do the same. A friendship and or a relationship is only as strong as the two involved are individually.

For the male that does not see the strength of a woman as an addition to his life … and to the women that do not celebrate real, grown and sexy men … TOUGH TITTY!

~AMarie

No Friend of Mine

So today I woke-up with puffy eyes from being just short of clinically depressed over some decisions I have made in relationships. Relationships that I carefully call friendships … After all, friendships are the most intimate relationships we are involved in and why older and wiser people will tell you their marriages and the longevity of them is attributed to the friendship that has been developed. Even the ones that have gone through hell and back have been salvageable because of the friendship or failed miserably because of the forgotten friendship and respect.

With that said, lets delve a little deeper into this fragile state of being and space. It is with great responsibility that we are required to guard our inner most sacred place. Our true ‘private parts’ have nothing to do with our genitals and all to do with our ‘inner circle’ (It is interesting how many men get this point ... having sexual relations without ever letting their partner into that space and why emotional cheating is so much worse than the physical infidelity). With so many mediums to communicate with the general public, we have witnessed the betrayal of celebrities today more than any other time in history. I admit this task is much harder for the rich, famous and people perceived to be in great power than it is for the rest of us as it increases the opportunities for motive: motives such as greed, fame, recognition, sex, comfort and other various temptations that cause people to abandon all morals, ethics and truths for what they see as some degree of personal gain.

Who is to blame? Well, after thinking about it long and hard, I blame each and every one of us that have befriended these shady characters. We open our hearts, lives, minds and souls and become vulnerable to these people who do not wish or mean us any good. We get signs that we ignore and if you are anything like me, you try to communicate any concern you have about them with them because you already trust them. Why would you look to someone outside of you to negate what your internal instinct has shown you?

Let me address this … one thing I did not know until recently (I know I sound like a complete idiot, but I have to be honest with you), is that when it comes to the opposite sex, when you openly communicate that you respect the friendship that has been established and want to just let it blossom organically (meaning without being forced and without commitment expectations) equates to, “I am not sure you want me as your spouse so I am going to pretend that I do not care under the auspices of friendship, just to keep you around.” I had no clue and was recently blindsided by that reality. Dealing with the hurt from realizing a couple of my friendships never existed is truly some TOUGH TITTY!!!

~AMarie